You'll always be my Konstantine

I want change, I crave it. I get bored so easily. That's why I'm always braced for the run, to try an escape that ever encroaching darkness that promises to hollow me out again. I hate when things remind me of the people who've left me behind. I hate when I still look at them and miss them. But the worst is when I miss people who still willingly call themselves mine.

Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night from the pain of missing a place I've never been. This is where the loneliness strikes.

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Tue Jan 31

I get it, okay? It never should’ve happened. Any of it. The relationship. That thing that happened in September or October, I can’t even remember anymore. The fact that anything ever happened honestly makes me sick to my stomach. I almost start crying every time I see you just because I hate myself for ever thinking you were a good idea. You are a horrible human being. I wish I was sorry about saying that, but there is not a doubt in my mind. I did not deserve any of the things you put me through. It was unfair, all of it. When my English teacher asked, “What would be the first thing you would do if nothing were illegal?” The first thing I thought of was hitting you until your face didn’t make me sick.